


if i ever feel better

by doies



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: M/M, figure skating AU, its honestly just sicheng n ten hanging out, johndo are mentioned a few times, sicheng is his tired asst. coach!!!!, ten is yuzuru!!!, thats it thats the fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:27:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21657514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doies/pseuds/doies
Summary: sicheng doesn't really know how to deal with a melodramatic figure skater but he supposes that's his life now.(alternatively: ten's heartbroken and sicheng picks up the pieces for him)
Relationships: Dong Si Cheng | WinWin/Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten
Comments: 8
Kudos: 144





	if i ever feel better

**Author's Note:**

> this is for everyone who was sad about ten in the johndo au mwa xoxo
> 
> also I REALLY RUSHED THIS so pls dont expect much ?? idk

It’s half past seven in the evening in Toronto and God knows what time in wherever the buttfuck in America they are right now. The only good side of the night is that Sicheng’s managed to purchase the last pretzel, much to the dismay of one tall hockey player that he’s pretty sure is from Johnny’s team. (Jesus, he thinks, are all these jocks so fucking huge?) Said hockey player tries to buy it off him and Sicheng is certain he’d have been about to be twenty dollars richer had Nakamoto Yuta not appeared from the shadows, prompting him to almost parkour from one floor to the next just to avoid more uncomfortable interactions.

He checks his watch again. It’s almost time to head home.

Ten’s already in the car when he returns, slumped in the passenger seat looking sulky. Sicheng has half a mind to ask when he really would rather be the last to know if his sexcapade with Johnny in the bathroom was or wasn’t a success. (Judging by Ten’s current state, it seems like a hard no. No pun intended.) Not that he doesn’t like being around Ten, the only thing he hates about this whole “assistant coach” gig is that he’d expected a lot more skating and less… of the whole babysitting aspect he’s come to know in the past month or so.

“Seatbelt.” He says just as he starts the car. Ten ignores him in favour of probably texting Taeyong or his equally somewhat insufferable mini me, Donghyuck. He’s tapping away rapidly and Sicheng wonders what in the world Johnny’s done to warrant such long winded text messages. (Unless they’ve settled on sexting to which Sicheng would rather not think about considering he’s going to be confined in the same space as Ten for the next few hours.) “Ten, seatbelt.”

Ten blinks at him, flustered as if he hadn’t even noticed someone had gotten in the car. “Sorry.”

Sicheng bites back a quip about how he’d probably have gotten murdered had the wrong person gotten into the car. (The tabloids would have a field day with that too.) He shuffles in his seat and faces the other boy, head tilted slightly as he tries figure out what’s going on. “Are you okay?”

“No.” Ten sighs, putting his phone down on the dashboard. “I think I just got dumped.”

Which is strange, all things considered. Ten’s  _ kind of _ a big deal. Like, a world record breaker and Olympic gold medalist big deal. He doesn’t really understand much of what that means to anyone who isn’t familiar with the skating world but he’s pretty sure that kind of thing is pretty intimidating. “What?” is all he manages to ask. “You two were just… fucking around when we got here.”

“Yeah, well.” An eye roll.

Sicheng starts the car. “I mean, you’ll be fine.” He says, trying to sound comforting. He’s not really knowledgeable in the art of comforting figure skaters with their heartbreak. Definitely not an aspect of his employment and he curses Taemin silently as the drive begins. “He was kinda dumb.” Or at least, he assumes Johnny to be so. He’d spent enough time with the rest of the hockey team to know people with the same levels of intelligence tend to flock together. (case in point, he’d spent at least two hours the last time they were in Chicago just watching the tall chinese one and the one with the perpetual state of Mii Channel music brain attempt to see which of them could push Taeil further across the rink as an attempt to see which of them was stronger.)   


A groan. “That’s why I liked him so much.” Why? Sicheng will never understand. Instead, he frowns as Ten makes various noises of disgruntlement in the passenger seat. (Which is funny, if not annoying after at least the first thirty minutes.)

It’s two hours later at a Tim Hortons does Ten start crying. 

He’s seated across Sicheng in a booth, silently sobbing into a cup of hot chocolate that the other had insisted on getting for him. It’s weird - mostly because Sicheng doesn’t actually know what to do or say but he supposes Ten’s grateful enough that someone’s there to keep him company whilst his carefully built facade of not caring falls apart even if it’s just for a few minutes.

“He’s just  _ one  _ stupid jock.” Sicheng says, shooting Ten a sad smile and Ten’s choking on something that’s a cross between a sob and a laugh. “You haven’t lost anything.”

He doesn’t know if Ten believes him and he honestly shouldn’t care if he does but perhaps it’s the amount of time they’ve spent together that makes his expression soften. “I know that.” Ten nods. “But I liked him a lot.”

Maybe Sicheng won’t ever understand what that means. “It’s his loss.”

“He’s not really losing anything if he never felt the same way.” He has to admit, that does kind of hurt. He doesn’t really know what to say next - it’s not as if he’d known anything about Johnny or Ten for that matter. He’d “chaperoned” their dates with airpods in, barely listening to whatever conversation was had and nodded whenever Johnny offered him anything to eat. For all Sicheng knew, Johnny spoke Japanese and was named Yuuri Katsuki.

They sit in silence for a few more minutes until Ten finally speaks. “You don’t have to talk to me like this,” he says. “I know this is way out of your job description.”

For all of Sicheng’s complaints about the job, not once had he ever thought of quitting. He does enjoy Ten’s company when he’s not dragging him across North America to bone a man who could pass as a lost cryptid. He likes waking up early to get Ten’s coffee orders, enjoys their trips to the gym together in order to keep Ten fit, and actually finds Ten to be endearing enough that the whole “babysitting” aspect doesn’t actually feel like he’s constantly watching over someone else. He shakes his head and rolls his eyes, smiling as he does so. “Don’t be so dramatic, Chittaphon.” Because he doesn’t really know what else to say.

Ten smiles back before looking out the window wistfully. Sicheng wishes he could say something else but they sit in silence for a little while longer before returning to the car. 

* * *

Ten’s quiet for a few weeks, finally takes his social media lockdown seriously as he focuses on getting better and less on his phone. Taeyong comes after the third day, in a panic that Ten’s found himself too into a depressive state to even respond to their group chat with Donghyuck. (One Jaemin complains about under his breath every time it’s mentioned, Sicheng assumes it’s because they’ve yet to add the new kid.)

Time passes quickly enough that days kind of blur in between driving Ten to physical therapy sessions for his ankle and spending days huddled under his blankets to watch anime on Netflix. (Ten absolutely hates sports anime, prefers the weird incredibly macho ones with a lot of boobs because “The less it’s like in real life, the less anxiety inducing it is to watch.”) Johnny isn’t mentioned for a while - forgotten in some kind of routine that they fall into. Sicheng is thankful for it, enjoys the peace for a while.

They fall into a kind of domesticity that Sicheng finds comforting. There are casual drives after ballet lessons, meetings with choreographers, and trips to the market for dinner ingredients that Sicheng ends up cooking for Ten almost every night. It’s not asked of him - yet again way past his job description- but he enjoys the consistency of having something to do and admittedly being with Ten isn’t the worst thing. He likes the way Ten rolls his eyes whenever Sicheng says something dismissive, gets used to the way he begs Sicheng not to tell Taemin whenever they get take out, and actually grows fond of the way Ten finds ways to touch him despite Sicheng’s hesitation. 

It’s August when the summer hits hardest - sunny days that stretch out longer than the nights. He dislikes the warmth but ultimately prefers it to the chill of winter. Ten is more irritable because of the heat - constantly whines about wanting to be back in Thailand in what Sicheng assumes to be an attempt to convince Taemin to let him skate or else he’s running back home.

“Why don’t you skate anymore?” Ten asks one night as Sicheng makes dinner. It’s an attempt at some kind of Thai recipe that Ten  _ insists  _ is pretty doable. (They’ve already spent an entire hour going back and forth different videos on Youtube because they’ve somehow fucked up and they can’t even tell which part went wrong.) “You used to, right? Juniors... you were part of a pair. I remember you from Poland a few years back. You won gold.”

It’s a good question. Just not a question Sicheng likes answering. Still, he supposes Ten deserves at least that much from him considering he probably knows most aspects of the other boy’s life at this point. “It was in Czech Republic.” he corrects, gesturing for Ten to hand him the onions he’d been chopping badly for the past fifteen minutes. “My partner quit and I didn’t want to do it with anyone else.” Which is technically the whole story - it’s always the details he skips over. No one needs to know about falling in love with your partner and inevitably getting your heart wrecked in the process. It sounds wholly less professional that way anyway. Besides, it doesn’t really matter anymore. It’s over and done with.

“Huh.” Ten says, head tilted to the side. “Pretty loyal of you.”

Sicheng shrugs. “Finding good chemistry is rare. I didn’t want to beg for a new partner, that’s never how anything works.” Which is true. He’d been sixteen, idealistic, and admittedly quite stupid. Ten winces and looks away. “Anyway, doing singles didn’t feel right. So now I’m stuck with you.”

“ _ So _ complex.” Ten rolls his eyes and points the knife dangerously towards Sicheng. (Non-threateningly, almost as if he forgets he’s holding out a knife in the first place.) “You’re such a fucking scorpio.”

He moves away from Ten. “I don’t even know what that’s supposed to mean.” He replies, snatching the knife by the base from behind. The other boy laughs at this, hands resting under his chin as he flashes Sicheng a bright smile.

“Sicheng,” Ten begins, voice soft. His expression is unreadable, confusing almost that Sicheng is stuck on trying to figure out what it means. “Sometimes I wonder if you’re just incredibly dedicated to doing a job you’re not supposed to even be doing or if you just enjoy mooching off my Netflix account.”

To which Sicheng doesn’t answer. Instead, he shrugs and turns away from Ten. It’s just a job, right? He doesn’t think about how mornings now look a lot like Ten lazily greeting him with his hair messy and glasses slightly askew, doesn’t think about how afternoons of his days off feel strangely empty without Ten’s annoying voice (“Someone once said he sounds like Sheen from Jimmy Neutron,” Donghyuck says one time.), and how his least favourite part of the night is when he has to leave.

It’s strange to have his life revolve so suddenly around someone else these days. He hasn’t really considered much about it - he thinks maybe he’s just kind of missed companionship. He’d been alone for most of the few years after skating, being around Ten is different from the independence he’d gotten used to. He wonders if the only reason he likes being around Ten these days is because he’s comfortable.

Ten’s already in the living room turning on a new episode of Riverdale before Sicheng can even figure out a response. He decides it’s better off leaving the question unanswered.

* * *

It’s September by the time Taemin finally lets Ten in the rink again. No jumps yet but Ten is thankful enough that he calls Sicheng at three in the morning in a haste to drive him to the rink.

He skates in loops -- stuck in a world Sicheng sometimes wishes he could understand. (Perhaps he did, once upon a time but the memory of it fades each day.) He watches from the stands, coffee to warm his hands as he tries not to fall asleep. Watching Ten is different, people don’t exaggerate how mesmerizing it actually is. His titles aren’t jokes and Sicheng knows this but it doesn’t prepare him for the actual thing. Even with (to quote Taemin) Ten's incredibly delicate ankles, he glides so smoothly as if he really truly only belongs on the ice and Sicheng feels his heart beat a little bit faster.

Admittedly, it’s been a while since that’s happened.

Ten leans against the barrier, a little breathless. (Sicheng is too but he hopes Ten doesn’t notice. Which isn’t really a big worry, if he’s learned anything about Ten these past few months, it’s that he’s not exactly the most perceptive person out there.) His brow furrows into a frown. “Johnny and Doyoung are together.” He says matter of factly. “Like,  _ together  _ together.”

Sicheng doesn’t really know much about Kim Doyoung other than the fact that he’s somehow created a following out of livetweeting skating competitions. He doesn’t understand Ten’s obsession with him - how religiously he actually checks whatever it is Doyoung has to say and he supposes it’s kind of like, icing on the cake that he’s dating Johnny of all people now. He yawns, uninterested. “I thought you were over Johnny.”

“Maybe.” Ten sighs. “What does he see in fucking Kim Doyoung? He’s awful.” Sicheng’s sure he is. He doesn’t really trust anyone who thinks using the internet for a career path warrants any form of respect and he doesn’t really know much more about Doyoung other than that. So decidedly, calling Doyoung awful seems to be valid.

“Well, Johnny isn’t shit either so they’re perfect for each other.”

This goes ignored. “Like, I just knew there was something going on with them when I was with Johnny.” He can already sense the rant coming which is unsurprising. Ten got dumped in April and Sicheng’s surprised it’s taken him this long to unload. “I know they’ve been together for a while… but I saw Jungwoo tweet about them moving in together and it’s fucking driving me crazy. That was almost me, Sicheng.”

There’s some kind of… desperation? in Ten’s tone that Sicheng isn’t certain of. Frankly, he doesn’t actually understand what the big deal is but Ten’s state of distraught is weirdly upsetting. He realizes, strangely, that he’s kind of  _ jealous _ . 

He surprises himself when he moves closer and presses his lips against Ten’s - they’re cold, a little chapped, and Ten doesn’t expect the kiss enough that their teeth collide in such a weird way that it makes Sicheng pull back and groan.

“Nevermind.” He says, walking away. He’s horrified and the only consolation of the entire thing is that Ten probably won’t ask him about it again if he pretends he’d made a mistake.

Ten doesn’t call for him back but Sicheng wishes he would.

* * *

The incident passes - a topic avoided that Sicheng is certain even Ten is too uncomfortable to talk about. He wonders what Ten’s told Donghyuck and Taeyong but he doesn’t ask because 1) Donghyuck will 100% hold it over his head and 2) Taeyong is so overwhelmingly pretty that talking to him makes Sicheng nervous. So months pass without any mention of it and it’s  _ fine  _ with him. Ten skates and Sicheng finally gets to do something that doesn’t just involve driving Ten out of the country on random whims. (Not that it happens again after Johnny. Still, it’s a fact worth mentioning.)

He sees Ten less during these months. Often just at the rink, skating circles around Taemin with Sicheng ignored until Taemin takes his breaks and leaves him in charge. Things don’t change much between them - the same banter follows when they do find a rare moment of just the two of them. 

(Hyuck likes to skate around them, a smug expression on his face that Ten swats away and Sicheng ignores. Taeyong is so nitpicky that he has Sicheng watch all his jumps carefully and list them all down in a little notebook- one's under, the falls, everything in between. Jaemin’s as loud as Donghyuck - prone to finding himself in screaming matches with the other boy for no apparent reason other than they just want to be loud.)

He learns to pretend Ten’s presence doesn’t give him butterflies. It’s easier to ignore his feelings when everything else falls into the category of chaotic but even when he’s dealing with three other skaters, Ten still remains front and center to him. He wonders if Ten notices how he begins to shift at the littlest touches now, how he avoids his eyes when he says something that hits him a little too close and makes his heart flutter.

Sometimes, Sicheng desperately wishes Ten would ask.

* * *

It’s November and Ten is skating in Russia.

Johnny is in the stands, hands clasped tightly around Kim Doyoung’s who sits with his laptop open as he livetweets practice. Ten has his fists clenched in the crowd, eyeing the two as Doyoung says something that makes Johnny laugh. He stomps back into the locker room, checking twitter in a flurry to see what Doyoung has to say. (They’re practice notes, quick notes about Ten’s quads and lutzes. There’s nothing shady and Sicheng is certain it frustrates Ten even more.)

“I don’t know why he’s here. He’s not supposed to be here.” He huffs, evidently annoyed. Sicheng shrugs, doesn’t really know what to say that might bring comfort to Ten now.

“If they’re together I’m sure they thought it’d be romantic.” He feels his stomach drop -- a little uneasy that Ten still bubbles with the same jealousy Sicheng had thought he’d gotten over months before. He tries to push the thought away, convinces himself it shouldn’t matter but it does and it pisses him off that it does.

“There’s nothing romantic about Russia, it’s just  _ cold _ .” Ten frowns. “But you’d know all about being cold, huh Sicheng?” Which is, not what he expects to hear. Sicheng’s mouth falls open, confused at what Ten is implying and he’s about to speak in defense when Taemin walks in.

“Ten, you still have a few minutes left.” 

To which Ten uses as an excuse to stomp out, nothing else spoken.

* * *

Johnny kisses Doyoung by the stands and Ten sees just before he skates. Which kind of works for him, really. It’s probably one of his best skates to date. (He breaks a new record because it wouldn’t be Ten if he doesn’t.) Of course, it would be so in character for Ten to win a skate fueled completely by spite.

Ten has ignored him for the better part of the first day, just one word answers exchanged between nods and dismissive eyerolls. Sicheng knows what Ten wants to hear and Sicheng  _ wants  _ to say it but he’s still battling with the fear of falling too hard again. (Kind of ironic how he’s so terrified of heights now that he thinks about it. He absolutely hates how cheesy that even sounds in his head. It’s ridiculous. Sicheng wants to throw up. He can almost hear Donghyuck laughing at him from Toronto.)

They’re sitting at the kiss and cry with Ten wedged in between him and Taemin, a black cat plushie held tightly in his arms. “I like you.” Sicheng says softly, hand grasping Ten’s - fingers laced together in an attempt to be comforting. There really isn’t much time to decide and the words have come just before he can realize they’re out. He blinks at Ten and feels as if the seconds between his confession and Ten’s reaction lasts forever. It’s a weird rush of unexpected adrenaline that prompts this - it’s how Ten’s cheeks are flushed pink after his first short program in months and how Sicheng can’t imagine not being someone who sits next to him every single time this happens. (He realizes a little too late that it’s literally his job to be there and he could have gone without the brutal and somewhat embrassing confession that’s apparently caugh by the camera. He finds out later and he’s mostly horrified because he knows Hyuck will have something to say about it when they get home.)

Ten meets his eyes for a moment before laughing. “It took you long enough.”

He kisses Sicheng just as they announce his scores but everything else fades. Sicheng often wonders how Ten feels while he skates - the little world he seems to find himself in despite the leers and watchers. It is there, in front of all those cameras and people, does he feel Ten let him into that world. He decides he likes it there.

**Author's Note:**

> anyway thank u for reading and for checking out my fs au!!! i love u


End file.
